I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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