Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
