Where is the hickey?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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