THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
