Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
