I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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