There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
