You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
