Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
