So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
