My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I party with great urgency now.
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