what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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