Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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