His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
