the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
