I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
