I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
