that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
