"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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