my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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