This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Two words: nipple clamps
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