wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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