I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
