4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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