Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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