$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
