life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
