Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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