This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
