apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
