so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
