Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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