Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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