I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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