I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
