I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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