I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
