THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
