The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
