To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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