Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
then he tried to convert me to islam
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
