I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
