Quick, to the slutcave!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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