I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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