goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
