We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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