i wish my penis had a tongue
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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