for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
