too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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