Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
